In the 1960’s, the Beatles boldly proclaimed that, “All You Need is Love”~ many of us cling to this idea, but do we know what is love? Is it true that love is all we need, and what kind of love do we really need?
3 Pieces to the Love Puzzle
Intimacy The feeling of being ‘connected’ or very close in a relationship. Feelings of being close to someone and trust in the relationship are present.
Passion The excitement and energy of the relationship. Feelings of physical and sexual attraction are at the forefront.
Commitment The settling or the history of the relationship, including decisions, experiences, and a sense of obligation to someone you have spent a long time with.
The Love Triangle
Liking: Intimacy Alone: feeling connected and bonded (a close friend)
Empty Love: Commitment Alone: decision to be with someone out of obligation
Infatuation: Passion Alone: Physical attraction/Sexual relationship
Romantic Love: Intimacy and Passion: no commitment, no expectations
Fatuous Love: Passion and Commitment: no intimacy, do you know me?
Companion-ate Love: Intimacy and Commitment: no passion, no spark or attraction
Consummate Love: Intimacy and Passion and Commitment: the perfect relationship with strong emotional, physical, and mental connections
The good news is; you can achieve consummate love if that is what you desire! It may take time, energy, and effort; however, in the end you will reap the reward
5 Steps to achieving consummate love:
#1 Evaluate Your Current Relationship
Ask yourself, what is missing in this relationship?
#2 What Can YOU Improve
Make a list of things YOU can improve (not your partner) it’s easy to find faults in others, look at what you can change!
#3 the Power of ONE
Suggest one need that your friend/partner/husband could meet. (Do not dump a laundry list of things)
Do something spontaneous or unexpected to create a smile or memory
#5 NEVER Give Up!
Know for certain that you can have intimacy, passion and commitment~ if that’s what you desire.
Debbie Riddle is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Delaware and New Jersey and CEO of Total Family Solutions. www.totalfamilysolutions.com