by Anonymous

Single in the suburbsYears ago I created a profile and after my 2 week trial ended, so did online dating for me. However, there was this one guy I do remember talking to on a daily basis through email; we even started making plans for a date…that was until my free trial ended, and we lost contact.

Well, don’t you know that when I set up a brand new profile years later, he found me, and we continued right where we left off! It’s either coincidental or clearly this online dating thing isn’t working for him since he’s still searching with the exact same photo and profile up. But on the bright side, it isn’t every day that this type of thing happens, so I decided to seize the day this time around!

We decided to meet up at a local bar to see a Tool cover band. I was happy that we shared the same interest in not only a place to grab a tasty meal and good beer but also in music. The parking lot was jam packed, and, of course I didn’t allow myself the necessary time it takes to find a spot that is A.) Legal and B.) Close enough to the front door. Accepting my bad luck, I parked in the only available spot, which was at the very end with a large puddle of water right next to my driver’s side door. Rats!

I was late and apologized numerous times as he had already gotten us a table upstairs. He was short, my age, Italian and balding. Yes, balding. But I didn’t mind that. I could care less how much hair a man has, as long as he knows how to strike up a good conversation and keep a lady interested. He told me about his living situation (he currently resides at his mother’s), his work in the restaurant industry (which he hates) and how nervous he was (which is understandable). I didn’t like his habit of talking over me when I began a sentence, but even worse was the nervous habit of filling every half-second of silence with an awkward statement, “I hate silence. OK, I’m just going to make small talk,” followed by a chuckle. That was weird. But on the bright side, he liked to cook, so that was a huge plus.

As the evening progressed, he downed 3 beers, ate a bite of my burger and suggested we head downstairs to listen to the band that was about to come on stage. When the band began to do sound testing, I could tell the show was going to be loud. Though I’ve been to my fair share of too-loud live concerts, I had failed to grab some ear plugs before heading out. So I excused myself and went to the ladies room to shove small pieces of toilet paper into my ears to block out a bit of the sound (a little trick I learned from an old friend). I also had to put my hair down so you couldn’t see white paper sticking out of my ears. (How embarrassing that would be!)

After the band played and my belly was full of more great tasting craft beer, we headed out for the long walk to my car in the rain. Little did I know that I would run into my ex on the way there, who crudely texted me later, “Have fun with that guy!”. Whatever that means.

I felt the date went fairly well, but the following day I got the dreaded text saying, “Hey I had a great time last night, but I’m afraid we aren’t a good match. I can tell we would disagree on a lot of things. I hope you find someone and if you ever need a friend I’m here.” I’m not sure if he ever got the memo about, but I’m not looking for “friends”, I’m looking for “Mr. Right” and he wasn’t it.

Better luck next time!