Cary Jane and Hunter George Ballas are one dynamic mother & son duo and the co-authors of “Finlay’s Garden” delicately written in memory of a beloved son and brother who died one day short of five months of life. A LOCAL family transforming tragedy into empowerment, awareness and inspiration. “Finlay’s Garden” deals with the subject of death from the mind’s eye of a 5 year old child(Hunter Georgie) who is trying to come to terms with the loss of his little brother, Finlay. The Co-Authors shared hope is that “Finlay’s Garden” written to relate to people of all ages, can help children and adults who have lost a loved one, find comfort as they read the story and experience loss and healing together. To this day, a heart-shaped garden with a blooming cherry tree commemorating Finlay’s beautiful spirit has helps Finlay’s parents and siblings feel Finlay’s closeness and they know their guardian angel is and will never be far away.

At age 6, Hunter, and Cary wrote, illustrated, and published (internationally) a story called “Finlay’s Garden”. Hunter was determined that baby Finlay came to earth to teach us many lessons and he, like Cary, felt that the world of literature seemed to skip over this tiny niche area of helping children cope with loss.  The Ballas family used Hunter’s very real understanding of Finlay’s death (and more importantly, his life) and created a book designed to help children and families cope with loss together. It was a huge undertaking and investment of energy, time, and money. Today, the book is used in hospitals, schools, classrooms, and living rooms all across the world.

Behind Finlay’s Garden, the Book

Little Hunter Ballas lost his younger brother, Finlay, to SIDS in 2005.  Life for the Ballas family would never again be the same. After Finlay’s passing, Cary quickly embraced the world of literature and spent many exhausting hours fruitlessly searching for books to help explain Finlay’s passing to his surviving siblings (Quinlan and Hunter).  She found a plethora of self-help types of novels out there for adults, but few books aimed at helping young minds process the loss of a loved one. Cary was sure she was missing something. Afterall, she had just lost a child and her mind was more than a little dizzy while trying to digest this tragedy. Surely, there had to be books out there designed to help little ones cope with death, right? Better yet, there had to be some sort of book whose target audience was children and adults?  A book that families could read together and all enjoy?  Something with bright vivid colors to attract young eyes, but with uplifting and non-scary, yet understandable thoughts for big people and little people, right?  There apparently was not, or if there was, the google search engine on Cary’s computer was malfunctioning! Disappointed, she and her husband, Bryan, did their best to explain Finlay’s death to their sons.  Through tears they stumbled to formulate words, verbally tripping over themselves.  Nevertheless, they were left with no choice. So they did the best they could and prayed that their best was good enough.  Cary and Bryan wanted to be honest with Quinlan and Hunter. That being said, they also did not want to create any unnecessary fears or anxiety. The boys had a lot of “are you going to leave us?” types of questions and had trouble understanding why one day their brother was with them and the next, he was gone. Grasping for the right words somehow seep into their thoughts, they tried to help their little ones understand the Ballas family’s circumstances. They tried to reassure them in semblance of comfort and healing, fully knowing that as individuals, they were still struggling with these very issues.

Time somehow continued to pass. The Ballas world was forever altered and somehow they came to find comfort in the seclusion of their loss.  They functioned because they had to for Quinlan and Hunter, but truthfully life was a blur. The days were hard and the nights were harder. Cary and Bryan remained terrified that they would lose another child and Bryan sprang back and forth between anger and emptiness. After the funeral and the flowers and being inundated with the “what can we do for you?” question a hundred times a day, the storm seemed to quiet a bit. Life felt like it was in slow-motion, but still, it continued and they were forced to continue right along with it. They explained to Quinlan and Hunter that baby Finlay had died and that he was in heaven with God now. Cary and Bryan reminded them that they could say prayers to Finlay at night or talk to him whenever they wanted to. We also told them that Finlay was their angel and that he would surely be rooting for them throughout their entire lives.

“IT TAKES QUITE A SPIRIT TO ENTER INTO THIS WORLD, NEVER SAY A WORD, AND YET LEAVE IT TEACHING SO MANY LIFE LESSONS”

Quinlan (Q, as we call him), and Hunter somehow went from being one and two at the time of Finlay’s passing to five and six.  One day, Hunter came to Cary and told her he had an idea that he wanted to share. He sat himself Indian-style in the middle of their living room, stuck his chubby little pointer finger in the air and quite securely explained to her that Finlay’s story was not about death; it was one about life.  Cary secretly thought to herself that reflection was rather inspirational to come flying out of the mouth of a five year old child, but quickly reminded herself that every mom thinks her child is a genius and she had to admit, she was rather bias. Little Hunter continued to profess that Finlay was not with us anymore but he was everywhere. (Again, rather intuitive for a little guy….) Finlay, he lectured, was here to teach us all about the peace that could be derived from simplicity. (These were not words Hunter typically said.  In fact, did he even know the word ‘simplicity’?) “It is all about hope that could be found when families stick together like gorilla glue, Mom”, Hunter continued. “We just have to learn the lessons from Baby Finlay. We can hear him talk when we are very quiet and we listen with our hearts and not our ears”, said the child sitting before Cary. She thought to herself that she so wished she could hear that echoing whisper. Hunter continued to assured them that Finlay had simply gone to heaven to “build our family a heaven house so that we will have a place to live when we all go back there someday”. This was almost making sense even to Cary as an adult somehow. When did he get so smart?   In turn, Hunter instructed that ‘we needed to form a garden on earth for baby Finlay because that is what Finlay wants.’ Here, we would be reminded that life never truly ends. We would come to understand that space and time are elements only perceived on earth; not in heaven. We would also come to learn that hope that can blossom from inspiration, and that growth that can bloom from what once was tragedy.

“It is all about hope that could be found when families stick together like gorilla glue, Mom”, Hunter continued.

Today, a huge blooming cherry tree surrounded by a firm heart-shaped foundation sits squarely in the center of the Ballas property. As the seasons change and new things continue to grow each year, they are reminded that they are all truly connected to one another, that life is a gift and that it is also fragile.  They are reminded that for every emptiness that is created here on earth, something new and beautiful can be created to fill that void. They also are called to truly understand the concept that heaven is not this far off place in the distance that is removed from us. It is not at the end of the rainbow and it certainly is not “up there above the clouds”.  Rather, it is “right next to us”, as Hunter has said many times and if our spirits remain open to embracing it, we receive the gift of experiencing it.

Cary has always told her children that they teach me the “big life lessons”; I teach them “the little life lessons”.

Cary has always told her children that they teach me the “big life lessons”; I teach them “the little life lessons”.  “Us big people” struggle with loss and death. Imagine what a foreign entity death must seem like to “little people”! It is a confusing, scary notion that can often cause many insecurities and doubts in young minds, as we learned. We are all taught from young ages to have our feet firmly planted in reality. We are relentlessly reminded to keep up with the hustle-bustle of everyday life.  We are encouraged to remain focused on our responsibilities, and to never forget our goals.  Children, however, naturally obtain one of the greatest gifts. They inherit the ability to indulge in a sense of uncontaminated imagination. They obtain a dynamic sense of wonder allowing their minds remain flexible. The walls and boundaries that exist within the minds of adults have no place in the mind and spirit of a child. They are pure, unscathed, and innocent. Cary believes that little Hunter understood death at a very young age in a way that was gentle and comforting. Did it come from him or flow through him? We will perhaps never know the answer to that question. It has been Hunter, however, that has taught the Ballas family “the big life lessons”. He has given their family a vision that they literally could never before see, and shown them how to embrace life’s beauty and light.

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